It’s been almost two years since I started this blog with this entry:
Just a word about the Finally, then . . . title for my blog. I don’t mean for it to sound ominous. It’s somewhat tongue-in-cheek as I recall several places in the New Testament where the author invokes this “concluding statement” and then proceeds to write page after page. The fact is, we don’t know (most of us) when FINALLY will happen to our earthsuit. But, we don’t walk around with our head in the sand when symptoms appear suggesting major life-threatening conditions. So, this blog may last a few weeks, months, or years -as the Lord wills! Meanwhile, I’ll pass on some “concluding statements” you might find helpful as you run the race (or crawl the path).
Oh, and a word about HOME. I like how C. S. Lewis put it: “If we find ourselves with a desire that nothing in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that we were made for another world.” I really like his use of the word DESIRE because I’m coming to believe that what we DESIRE is the most important thing about us!
And what two years it has been. Riddled with great health for 58 years of my life and having more energy than should be legal (at least some thought so), I was alive and well!
Somewhere in the course of things my DNA misfired and decided it needed to protect my system from something so it turned my bone marrow into scar tissue and proceeded to mass-produce white cells in my spleen of all places! I’ll spare the details but I’ve been to specialists and prayer meetings and tried home remedies, essential oils, even a few non-essential things, too.
The best we could do was use an oral chemo (trans. “poison”) to kill off as many excess white cells as possible to prevent the spleen from blowing up -or whatever happens when your body has zillions too many white blood cells. It was a month-by-month chess game: I’d get blood drawn, see the big number after WBC and we’d decide how many pills I have to take every day. The next month it may be way down and I can cut back -no clear science on this.
Well, the time has come, as it does for everyone, to face the fact that the meds surrendered the fight. My surrender to that fact came this past Sunday after another trip to ER only to discover that because of the “advanced state” of my cancer, thrush (yeast infection) in the mouth and throat was “normal.” Oh, and my WBC was at 136,000 in spite of how many pills I was taking. After a week of not being able to eat because of the mouth/throat pain I lost another 12 lbs.
Do I have you fully onboard my pity train? Sorry if it sounds like the rantings of a lonely opportunist. I don’t mean it that way. It’s a soft way of leading to this:
I am officially OFF MEDS! except pain-blockers (YEA, pain-blockers!!!) I am officially on HOSPICE!! No More Hospital trips, Dr. appointments, etc.
So, what happens next? I don’t have a clue. I hope to make some calls today to folks who’ve observed this happen before to see what we might expect. I suspect that it won’t take long for those WBC’s to take over one or more of my organs, declare a coup, and bid me adieu. Days? Weeks? If it’s going to be days and nights filled with more and more pain meds, sooner sounds better to me.
Meanwhile, lift up my precious bride and our dear children. They’ll have lots of my half-baked ideas to take out, not too many nest eggs to harvest, and a whole life ahead of them.
I am eternally grateful for a heritage that includes a deeply embedded confidence that “The Lord is my Helper, what shall I fear?”
We’ll hope to get the rest of the Jesus Trilogy scheduled on the blog and then, maybe, someday, in print. At the end of the day, when it’s all been said and done, “Just give me Jesus!”